Less crying for your toddler during “demanding two”
Toddlers can be difficult. No, at the age of two (and half) toddlers are difficult, uncooperative, not flexible, stubborn and infinitely demanding. Even if you can all agree yesterday, today it does not look possible.
Actually it is a fact that emotions of a two-year-old are highly expressed. They still do not realize all the causal relationships, but they know very well what and when they want. When their wishes are thwarted they crying. If the crying becomes a means of achieving this is by targeting specific cause-effect relationship they understand. They do not know what is causality, but it is clear how it works.
And, make no mistake, toddlers can be very manipulative.
Crying is just a phase
If you are scared with all of the above- do not panic. It’s just one of the growing period as well as all “periods” and this is passable.
If you have children that age you know that reality can be even crueler. Only the one who passes through the mix of sleepless nights, cold and temperature with requirements of an enchanting two- year-old knows what it is. It is difficult, but it will pass! It is the biggest help you can give yourself. Make your new mantra becomes a simple sentence – It is difficult, but it will pass. This is a true and it will give you the strength to breathe.
When you manage to breathe and take it easy after another (from your angle completely causeless) crying which derail you, I suggest you to try the following (for me it works ):
How to overcome the crying?
In one of the rare moments when your toddler is rested, healthy, fed and mood to listen (yes, all the necessary preconditions must be there) talk about how a crying is for a baby. He / she is already a grown and can talk. We use the words to communicate and express our feelings. Teach your child about feelings. Ask a question – let’s say – You’re sad now because …. or You are angry…or Are you happy now because you’re able to / when you learn to … Do you feel frustrated when …
And when a child asks for an explanation of a feeling feel free to take advantage of the current situation that explain. Initially, it is more than enough to distinguish between a dozen of filings- fear, anger, rage, sadness, happiness, longing, frustration, anxiety, enthusiasm and compassion.
Then teach your child that tears are OK. It’s okay to cry when we find it difficult or feel pain. It is not OK to communicate with tears. For that, we have words. Arrange that it does not ok to cry because of stupidity (such as toys, completed cartoon or brushing teeth). Do not forget to speak to the child how much you love him and how important is to you.
When the crying started again (and it will be repeated on that day or the next day if you’re lucky) you should show the child a corner or a place for “punishment” . The word sounds clumsy and child probably will not want to go there. When crying start again take your child to a place of “punishment”, and tell him that he will stay there as long as he does not stop crying. As soon as he stop crying, he can come to you (and you are only a few steps away, and talk calmly). The toddler probably will try to escape from “punishment”. You should get him back, you can even gently take it there. It is important to be calm and determined. The first crying from the corner is the most stressful experiences for both of you. The child is crying because he is confused.
Just an indication of tears earlier was enough for your response, and now you do not want to cooperate. The child does not understand why. And because of that, the toddler crying in the wish to force you into the action.
If you hang in there for the first time, you are already halfway! The most important thing is that the toddler comes to you when he calms.
Since he changes unwanted behavior you may reward him with a kiss and a hug. Now he can calmly say what he wants, and you should try to make this wish come truth.
But if he wants something hard to accomplish, like going to the playground in the middle of the night, calmly explain to him like you would tell to the elder child.
-We can’t do it because … but… and offer a solution or a replacement. Do not scare and lie to the child. Be sure not to promise things which you do not intend to fill.
The child should be calmed. However, if it is not, and crying while you calmly explain, send the child “back to a punishment”.
But, it seems harsh!
This method, which seems harsh, need only three days to start working.Just three days. After that, the child will know that he should not cry because of stupidity. That you are there for him. That you love him.
I especially like that in this method is OK speaking to the child how much you love him, during the punishment. And in this case, that is not contra-productive.
In fact, the “punishment” is a difficult word. With this method, we are helping a child to learn the acceptable way of expressing his feelings, learning how to distinguish them and verbally separated from each other.
When my kids went to punishment in tears, I was trying to tell them that I love them endlessly and I’ll wait them to calm and make a deal. That it was very difficult to me when they crying and stressing their sweetheart with tears. That their tears are too precious. And always, but always I’d kissed them at the end – it was a kiss that was supposed to give them the strength to be and remain good.
Council plus plus
It is important to distinguish the tears as a result of frustration and unfulfilled dreams of crying as a consequence of sleepiness. Toddlers need plenty of uninterrupted sleep. Give consideration to the entire life circumstances and do not try this when your child is tired or flooded with impressions from a new, unknown places and a large number of people and content.
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